Monday, September 28, 2009

Rock bottom = clean slate needed

I had to clean up this page so you couldn't see that I failed on my last attempt. The internet makes it so easy to start with a fresh page.

As embarassed as I am - I'm going to post how much weight I need to lose and some pictures. My god - normally these are the types of pictures that I would burn and never let anyone see them. Granted I just rolled out of bed and am about to go running with the babe. That's right - I'm going to TRY to get back into running. I imagine it's going to be quite difficult - running with an extra 50 lbs tacked onto my body?

But seriously - I am looking at this picture and I do not recognize myself. My face, my arms, my legs - this is NOT me. I do NOT look like this. I'm drowning in tears here and feeling like a complete failure. I don't want my kids to look at their mom like this - when they are older I don't want them to be embarassed of their fat mother. I don't want my husband to not be attracted to me. And I know it's all ME. It's up to me to feel better about myself so I won't even have to question how my family feels about me. When I feel better about myself I dress better, I put more effort into everything. When I'm eating better I am overall a more happier person. And a happier person makes a better mother and a better wife.

So THIS is my Day 1. No more ifs, ands or buts. I can do it. I have to do it. Sorry for sounding like a broken record, but I promise you will see a more positive me, you will see results next week. I won't be posting my actual weight (because that too is embarassing) I will just show how much I want to lose.

9 people had this to say:

Anne said...

Aw, don't be so down on yourself, that makes me sad. You can do this!! I also wanted you to know that you've inspired me to get moving today, this is also my day 1. We can do this!

Teresa said...

I agree with Anne. Good luck you can do it.

Miss Gogo said...

YAY! A fresh start is what we all need sometimes. I know you can do it as I have seen your success in the past years. Thanks to you and another friend, I've started blogging my own weightloss journey so check it out. We can motivate each other!

Malinda said...

can you just take a moment today to take stock in all that is wonderful and good in your life and recognize that your body as it is today or was 1, 2, or 3 years ago today was all good, that your body has been capable of so many things, has carried you through so many things and given you the gift of motherhood to boot!

you have lost the weight before and you will loose it again when your body is ready to let it go.

Don't be so hard on yourself. Put it down on the blog and then LET IT GO! One moment, one decision at a time you will get there!

and in my opinion.. no more Day 1... just today... what am I going to do today to take myself to where I want to go. The sooner you stop the day 1, which let's be honest is just you saying to yourself I've failed again so as my punishment today is day 1, I've failed and I'm starting over.. the sooner you stop this the sooner you'll see all the little decisions from each day add up and you'll realize you've made great strides in where you want to be regardless of the number on the scale.

I could go on and on but I just couldn't not say something even if you don't like me after saying it. STOP beating yourself up and tell me what you're going to do today to be better, to move you forward 1 small step at a time?!

Lynn said...

It makes me sad to see you so sad! It's so very, very hard to lose weight when nursing. I know I couldn't do it until I had weaned my youngest. Take it slow, and don't be so hard on will get there!

JavaChick said...

You will do it - you've done it before, right? You just had a baby not that long ago and it will just take some time. Take it in baby steps and do what you can from day to day. If you have a bad day or two, just shake it off and keep on going. You can do it!

Chantal said...

You can do it! And you will. You'll see. :)

Sonya said...

Oh, Christy - I could have written this entire post myself. Have a little gander at my blog today.;-)

Know what? We both just had babies (well, I'm not sure if I can still use the word, "just", but anyway). We both have almost-three year old kids on top of that. I SO know what everyday can be like. We come last on the long list of things that need to be done.

It's not like we can go out for a run, go to a class at the gym, or even go for a haircut whenever we please. Losing weight is a million times harder.

Having said all of that, I know that you can and WILL do this. Let's do it together (just like so many other things over the past few years!).


eurydice said...

good luck christy - i know you can do anything you set your mind to! today is the first day of the rest of your life.