What to do, what to do?

How shall I start my day tomorrow?

Active rest

I never used to understand this term before.

It was either a workout day, or not.

On Saturday, the 20lb kettlebell was getting too easy. So I decided to make it heavier, for another 120 swings over the rest of the workout.

Later in that afternoon I developed a really really sore lower back (like low lower back, like top of my butt low). Iced it, foam rolled it, stretched it, and then we t to bed. Woke up, still sore.

It hurts more after sitting, so I decided not to sit. Announced to family I was going for a walk, my youngest decided to come along so I stuffed him in the stroller (yes he's almost four but will still sit on a stroller to come out with me). Went about 45 minutes, stopped at the park, I stretched some more and then we went for another 20 minutes.

My back is still really really sore, so I'm skipping Bootcamp tomorrow morning (it's a cardio day, I tried running on my walk and it was painful!) and will do crossfit instead. Would love to talk to our instructor too to see what he says. He was the on watching my swings so maybe he noticed something I was doing wrong, although I've always had my swing form down pat.

Now time for Ben gay. Ha, I don't have Ben Gay ... Yet.


Lots of stretching...

I thought my legs were looking kind of strong here...

My partner in crime

Me

What is THAT?

Could it be some of the fat that normally covers every inch of my arm is melting away and you can start to see there is actually muscle?

Why yes, I am a total doofus flexing while trying to take the picture myself when I'm stopped at a red light.  I wonder if anyone saw?
 

Crossfit plus Soldiers of Fitness a nice smooth hand does not make. Callouses, yellow skin on top of callouses... ick!  But, look I'm married again!

The word of the day is BUG

BUG: context used: an insect

This morning I was swarmed by mosquitoes.  A few people joked about the number of mosquitoes on my body - I respond by telling everyone else they are safe because the mosquitoes are too obsessed with my blood to bother anyone else (very eccentric, I know, I am sure everyone else got bitten too!).  Any time I looked down at my arms, hands, legs or ankles, I could count at least three mosquitoes.

I showed Jeff 9 (yes N-I-N-E) bites on my butt after I got out of the shower.

I almost took a picture but didn't want to gross anyone out.  By the bites or my bare ass.

BUG: context used: to be annoyed (no, that's not actually in the dictionary, I was surprised that it wasn't!  I mean, not the way in which I described it, but the verb "to annoy somebody")

(this is the closest image I could find of being bugged - but this post has nothing to do with being smart or stupid). It has everything to do with being fat.

If I was in a line-up with ten other women, around my age, but of varying shapes and sizes, it's human nature to assume that the slimmest one is most likely the most athletic? Right?  I know I've seen really strong/fast big women and really slow/weak skinny women - but I think by default we would assume that when the button is pressed GO - we think the woman with the most slender body type will win the race.

I think this is where my annoyance comes in.  I get somewhat annoyed when people act surprised that I can run fast.  Or lift heavy.  I get annoyed that I don't LOOK as strong as I am.  I get annoyed that I don't look like I work out (hard I may add) 6-7 days a week.  That I've been been a consistent gym go-er for almost 2 years.  That I crossfit, bootcamp, spin, run, walk on a very regular basis.  I have two colleagues who are very fit/slim who talk about yesterday's spin session and how hard it was.  I want to say - crossfit was insane this morning! But I feel like they would think I am lying.  Not them in particular, but you know, someone wouldn't believe that I did crossfit.  Or if I did, I had just joined to try and lose weight.

I don't know, I have no idea why I'm talking about this.  I have no idea why this bugs me, or why I should care what other people think.  I just feel like sometimes I want to wear a shirt that says "I'm not new to this" to wear to the gym.  I know strong people come in all different shapes and sizes - maybe it all boils down to being sick of the shape I'm in.  I want to look on the outside like I feel on the inside.

But that's focussing on the wrong thing right?  I can't change how other people see me, nor should I care how they see me (physically that is) - knowing I am strong, knowing what I can do with my body should be good enough.  Right?

How do I stop caring what other people think.  And wait a minute?  How do I even know that's what they are thinking?  Maybe they are just trying to say "atta girl christy, I knew you could do it"  and not "good job little fat girl trying to be strong" 

All I know is I am feeling annoyed.

Argh.  I don't even know if I am going to post this or not. 

I should be happy, you should have all seen how close I was to Amy's crotch this morning!

Point form

1 - If you freeze your protein shake the night before so you can drink at work when you go there directly after bootcamp, you will need a fork to eat it with.  (Amy, you were right!)

2 - Don't cringe at every picture you see of yourself, try to see yourself through someone else's yes (thank you for this comment, Katie!).  I keep looking at this picture, trying to see my strong legs, my big smile but all I see is fat sausage arms.  Amy takes way better pictures than I do!

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=582334105133112&set=a.431580223541835.103052.396432630389928&type=1&theater

 3 - Ever since I started lifting weights and doing crossfit, I take my rings off.  And I never remember to put them back on, so it looks like I'm a single lady all the time now.

 4 - My first attempt at getting ready at work (so packing my shake, lunch, clothes the night before) and the only thing I forgot? Eyeliner.  I can't remember the last time I didn't wear eyeliner to work... not a good look for me.

5 - My manager has given me her son's old golf clubs - Jeff is over the moon that Carson is taking a golf camp this summer.  We'll see if he grows to love it just like his dad does.  On a side note: having golf clubs in your office is a good conversation starter piece!

Happy Tuesday!

What once seemed so hard.

The last couple of weeks have been, a struggle.  Last week I think I brought my lunch to work twice.  Which meant 3 days of eating out (one of them a farmboy salad, pho another day and subway another) - not necessarily bad choices, but I really should be bringing my lunch.

As soon as I get out of the habit of doing something it seems sooo daunting to do it again. 

Again - quick run down of my typical night.
4:00pm - leave work
4:30 - pick up Carson
4:45 - pick up Beckett
5:00 - home
5:30 - kids driving me crazy cause they are hangry and I'm trying to get supper made (at least now I can throw them outside and they are happy until supper is ready)
6:00 - eat
6:30 - play, homework, hang out - family time
7:30 - bath, bed
8:30 - time to make Carson's lunch and my lunch, (which normally involves quite a bit of prep), do dinner dishes
9:15 - get clothes ready for next day (alarm is set for 5:30am) for me and boys
Plus any other chores necessary for that day - laundry, garbage, clean kitchen etc....

So when I start NOT making my lunch and I have an extra half hour at night?  It's wonderful - I watch TV, I read a book, I sit and talk with my husband.  It's bliss.

I know I will feel better when put the time and effort into lunches - food prep, meal plan, MAKE MY LUNCH, maybe even start putting dinner together for the next day? 

This week - I know it's only the third day, but I've brought my lunch every day (chicken salad two days, spaghetti squash with homemade delicious (if I do say so myself) sauce) - I've made quite yummy dinners at night - and I feel a million times better.  Sure it takes more time at night, less indulgent time for myself - but better in the long run.

Daily intentions

I'm trying reallllyyyyy hard to no longer be on a "diet".  Rather than working out so I can eat more" I'm now eating to give me energy to workout. 

I've focussed so long on losing weight, which I am not succeeding in lately, which I'm just starting to realize is one of the many reasons of my negative self-talk (you're a failure, you can't lose weight, you are going to be fat forever, yada yada).

I'm doing my best to switch my goal from weight loss to build muscle.  I want to get stronger.  I want to lift heavier.  I want to make sure I create the body that is able to keep up with the workouts I love to do. 

How is losing weight going to make it easier to lift that bar over my head. 
How is restricting my calorie intake going to help me squat lower.

There are some things I do that would definitely be easier to do at a lower weight like running, pull-ups, toes to bar, burpees - but those would also be easier if I build more muscle.

If that's my focus, then my negative self-talk would diminish because I have no doubt that the weight I can lift will only go UP not down.   I will only ever improve my squat, it will never get worse. 

Focus on the positive, not on the negative.

Ok, so back to the title of my post.  Yesterday the brilliant motivating speedy strong Katie Squires from Fit Mom in Barrhaven asked for our daily intentions in one of my favourite fb groups, Losing it in Ottawa.  It got me thinking that it's a great way to start the day - to put it out there (to my conscious? To the universe?) what are my intentions for the day.  What am I going to strive for?  What's important to me? 

Now I want to start incorporating this into my daily morning routine.  Each morning I want to take a few moments and tell myself what I want to accomplish for the day.  What are my goals.  What am I striving for.

 

 

Taken from here

 I'm not sure what my intentions will be yet, I have to put a lot of thought towards it.  But I will, this is important to me.

It's about time I treat myself the way I treat others.  Rather then setting myself up to fail, I am setting myself up to succeed.