Oh my mind is a terrible place to be!

As I was showering after crossfit this morning, I was thinking about a blog post.  I was going to write about...

a) how I completed a swim-cycle race on the weekend without any training (I mean I did a 50m ride at 6am the morning of my race and swam 500m once just to know how long it would take me).  And I did the race really, without any struggle. I didn't do spectacular, but I never thought about giving up, I never was too tired to complete it... I just did it.

b) I am starting to journal my food intake, my workouts, my headache, pain level in my back and I can start to connect the dots between what I eat, how I exercise and how I feel overall... very interesting.

c) I've missed a few workouts recently, working on fixing my back issues and I haven't felt guilty.  It hasn't made me turn to food, it hasn't gotten my anxiety levels up... I just kept on going on.  Felt great

d) Had a fantastic long weekend filled with the race (made me realize how much I missed racing... the whole event atmosphere - people telling you that you are doing awesome during your race, high fiving you when you are done, chatting nervously before getting in the pool), friends (drinks on the porch, playing baseball with the adults and kids), family BBQ with fireworks and tired boys up way too late, sprinklers, water fights, bouncy castle, pogos at the picnic table.... seriously, was one of the best weekends I've had in a long time

e) looking at myself in the mirror and not being disgusted by what I see.  Getting dressed this morning I actually felt pretty and thought I looked good.

And then... then I looked at the pictures from said race on Saturday.  And I cried.

Two steps forward... one step back.