Thursday, November 10, 2011

The word of the day: Overwhelmed

The last couple of months I've been struggling in life in general, and I'm working really hard at getting my life under control.

I know we all go through stages like this, where it's so overwhelming. I also know it will pass, I just need to find ways to keep myself calm when it's this stormy.

For example:

At work. I've recently started a new job where there are BIG expectations of me. In my first 4 weeks, I used 6 sick days because my youngest son was sick. He had 2 asthmatic episodes and 3 ear infections. So I missed quite a bit of work, which makes me anxious. My new manager (and her boss) are very understanding, but still it's hard to give a great impression when you're not here all the time. Plus, when I am here, I can't get focussed because there's so much going on. I really need to focus solely on work when I am there.

At home. As I mentioned, my youngest son has been sick quite a bit. So on the weekends when we normally have fun as a family have been very stationary - at home, trying to just battle through the sickness. When I don't get outside or out doing things, I get very cobwebby. Like my mind goes all nuts, I feel the walls closing in on me and then... I get crabby. I did take a few times to go to yoga, which ALWAYS helps, but my boys (both of them) typically scream bloody murder when I leave so while I do my best to enjoy it, that mommy guilt doesn't fully go away.

Personally. We all know my ongoing struggles. I had worked really hard at finding ME again. After becoming a mom, you kind of lose yourself. I am now my children. Their needs become my needs and they are the ones at the forefront of your mind, and you can't think of anything without thinking of them first. I really want to find Christy again. I don't need to say how much I love my children, if you know me, you know that. But I also used to love me. Alot. And these days I don't so much.

Marriage. Marriage is hard work. And it's even harder when you aren't particularly in love with yourself - it's hard to be open and understanding. It's hard to feel attractive. I need to love my body in order to want others to love it.

House. We recently moved into a much bigger house then where we had lived before. We lived in a 3 bedroom, 2.5 bathroom townhouse. We moved into a 4+1 house with 4 bathrooms. And while it's a beautiful house and I love it. It takes a lot to keep it up. Cleaning it is NO fun. Plus, it still looks like we just moved in. We haven't had it painted yet, so there are no pictures up. There's quite a few of little projects I want to get done to make it feel more us, more lived in.

Now, having said all this... this past week I have started to turn around as it relates to eating. And this way of life I'm trying to live, it's very intuitive eating and it's very easy to follow. I'm cutting out all processed sugars and carbs - I'm being drastic at the beginning because I really need to curb my cravings - those are what get me into trouble.

I'm starting to make a schedule at home. And I'm scheduling in ME time. I find my life runs much smoother (and happier) when I have a schedule, a plan.

We are getting our house painted next week and backsplash done in our kitchen - which is the first step to making our house more US.

Baby steps - but definitely steps in the right direction.

3 people had this to say:

Chantal said...

I know what you mean. Totally. Someone recently said to me that the first 4 years of your child's life you lose your own life. And it sometimes really feels that way. So much sacrifice. Putting their needs ahead of our own. I know it gets better eventually. But it is hard while we are living it. Hugs Christy

Anonymous said...

(((hugs))). I know exactly how you feel right now! There are days when I don't know if I'm coming or going. My mind is constantly racing, or it's just completely defeated and exhausted. And then there's the constant chatter and hum of the children in the background. Which I love. But it sure makes it hard to just THINK sometimes, you know?

Whatever you do, take a deep breath every now and then. And appreciate everything you've GOT. Because it's hard to do that when you're overwhelmed. And those little boys will have grown a little more by the time this "busy" phase passes.

Love you!


CrYs said...

Oh C.. I know just how you feel. I feel like I have totally lost myself with the arrival of our new baby. We were just starting to get in the groove with A, and he had me a little spoiled. Now, It's all baby, all the time, and I'm exhausted from it all.

Know that you aren't alone!