I've been writing a lot about how happy I am these days, how confident I am that I'm making strides towards a healthy lifestyle, leaps and bounds in terms of my mentality and how I no longer obsess about foods (particularly good and bad labels)., I'm finally one of those people that feel "forced" to take a rest day.... but although I am feeling this way 98% of the time, I still have moments of weakness.
Like last night, trying on dresses, feeling like a big round ball with a teeny tiny head (the short hair doesn't help). I see a big stomach, lumps and bumps, thick legs, big shoulders.... it's like all of my worst fears and feelings all brought to the surface via my physical body.
Don't worry, it didn't even tempt me to eat away my feelings, but it did take my confidence down a few notches. I still got up and went to spinning this morning, pushed myself until I could push no further, but I still wasn't smiling as big as usual when I left, because I remembered what I looked like in the mirror last night.
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I know that feeling. The day I saw the handstand (on the wall) in boot camp I was feeling that way. Although I have let that feeling get me down and I need to work on that. I also need to work on my happiness in other areas of my life. I got some major work to do :)
Oh gosh how many times have I felt like this! I swear the lights in the change rooms at stores LIE. I go into the store feeling good, feeling strong, and come out defeated, slightly sweaty, and completely assured I-Am-Still-Fat. It colours my day from that moment on. I hate trying on clothes for that reason. Maybe partially why i am a jeans ant T-shirt kind of girl...
I would love to say I have a tool or a mantra or some sort of magic wand that takes those feelings away and puts the smile back. Like picturing a Mack truck running over the word FAT and the exhaust of said truck forming the words STRONG or something, but I don't... It sucks when you see all your lumps and bumps. It is hard to see past them to the muscles underneath, to the kick-ass V02 Max and healthy arteries. because what you see with your eyes is what you believe others see. *cue raspberry in the mirror*
I think, by getting up, going spinning, and continuing on, even with the suck of last night, shows a HUGE gain of confidence. We all have down days. Here's hoping the endorphins helped!
Chantal - there are definitely other areas in my life that need "shaping up" too... but if I think of the whole picture sometime I get too stressed so this is one area completely within my control that I can concentrate on. If there's anything I can do, let me know, I hate to see you down!
Caroline - thank you for letting me know I'm not alone. We can be so bloddy confident in our abilities and yet sometimes it's the black and white of it - the size of my body - that can start chipping away at all the hard work we've done. Heheh and I like your MACK truck analogy, works for me :) Thank you for your comment :)
I think we've ALL had those moments-and they DO suck the wind out of your sails because you feel strong and fit and happy and healthy. I try to rationalize that I just tried on some items that were WRONG, not that "I" am wrong kwim? Even on What Not To Wear or celebs or anything-you see beautiful people in the WRONG clothes-and it just doesn't look right on them. Nothing wrong with them-it's the dang clothes fault. :)
Chin up-you are SO beautiful, with stunning blue eyes and a gorgeous smile.
And I don't say that to all the girls. :)
Tracey - I am totally going to blame the dresses that I try on, thank you :) And thank you, you know how to make someone feel much better!
Hope your spirits are lifted. Keep strong you are doing great.
It's hard. I was trying to do some closet cleaning on the weekend, and ended up feeling like I hate all my clothes and I'll never find outfits that work for me because I am fat. It happens. I haven't quite learned to deflect those negative thoughts, but I at least did recognize it was happening.
We all have bad days. You are doing great! Keep it up!
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