Monday, November 2, 2009

I know I shouldn't have...

But I did. I looked at the scale. And it hasn't moved. Not even by a point-something. I'm seriously disenchanted. I'm sad. I'm sick to my stomach. When I look at myself in the mirror I don't see a new mom who's providing for her newborn, I see an ugly overweight woman. Seriously, that's what I see. Oh, don't worry. I know. It's not right.

I should see a great mother. A wonderful wife. A supportive sister. A fun-loving aunt. A loving daughter. The perfect friend. But I don't. And I should. I should be proud of those things rather than beating myself up over how I look. It's more important what's inside then what's outside. Because right now, I need to be the way I am if I want to keep nursing my son – and that's what I need to do right now.

I was just reading this new blog ( and I found and something the author wrote in the "About Me" section that I found very insightful. She said

"When you feel happy, when you are in a place of peace and joy, you will choose the best food for you to eat and it will nourish your body and soul in every way. Take care of yourself by nurturing your own happiness and you will reach for the food your body truly needs"

So maybe my weekly goals shouldn't be so focussed on eating habits. Maybe I should spend the next couple of months on figuring out why I'm not doing this right.

I know I've read a hundred and one blogs

(first off, I also want to comment on how I love reading your blogs. Through each of you, I link to other blogs and read fabulous advice, suggestions, stories of struggle, of success & victory, recipes, ideas, and by reading them I become motivated and know that I am not alone and that I will reach my goal)

and so many of us wonder why we do this to our bodies? If your child is sick, you feed him or her what is necessary to get better. We do this because we love them. If your car is broken, you bring it in to get it fixed, if your plants are dying, you do what you can to bring it back to life. It makes so much sense when we are doing it for anything or anyone but ourselves. Do I not care about myself? Do I not think I am worth putting the time and effort into making myself happy and therefore healthy?

I will say it again. When I eat healthy, I am happy. When I am exercising, I am happy. Sure I'm happy at other times as well, but I'm consistenly happy when my body is healthy. My kids, my husband, my family and friends make me happy. But then when I'm alone, or in bed, or having ME time and am thinking only of myself, I realize how deep down I am not happy with myself. And the part I'm not happy with is my weight.

I'm not saying starting tomorrow I will be perfect, but I'm going to try to look deep down and see why I am the way I am when it comes to food. And I'm going to try and change it. One day at a time.

And, by the way, the scale is gone.

2 people had this to say:

Sonya said...

When I was trying to reach you this weekend, this is exactly what I was going to tell you.:-)

(1) Remember that you're nursing little B right now, and your body is going to do what it has to do. I've started to accept that in my own life, as hard as it is. It's a short period of time, and only a little "blip" on the screen. Remember that.

(2) I posted a couple of weeks ago about my realization that the key to being healthy is ALL about caring for yourself. It's so true.

I heart you.

Chantal said...

I saw your tweet about Tony Grekko. I hear his gym is amazing. It looks amazing (when I see it on the lunch hour news). Let us know how it goes.