Monday, April 26, 2010

There's real no logical reason

For me feeling as sad as I do.

These past couple of days despite being surrounded by my wonderful family, my amazing friends, my husband and the two things i love more than life (Carson and Beckett), it's been sunny, we've spent most of the days outside laughing, loving and living...I've been feeling rather melancholy.

I just can't shake this sad feeling. I try to break it down to get to the root of what's wrong and I can't figure it out.

The houses around me are selling for obscene amounts of money. I live in a townhouse, and they are selling for over 100K then what we bought ours for, 5 years ago. And it's not like we spent alot of money on it in the first place. Which makes me want to sell it and move to a bigger house.

But that doesn't make sense for my family right now, and I know this.

I have two beautiful happy healthy children. But I want more. But daycare is too expensive and we can't afford for me not to work. I don't even think we would be able to make ends meet if we had another baby right now, and again, I know this. I know there are lots of people out there trying desperately to have children so I feel guilty feeling this way. Which in turn makes me feel worse.

I'm frusterated that my weight isn't coming off faster. I'm still not able to wear my size 10 pants that I wore before I got pregnant. I'm working my butt off in the exercise department (although it doesn't really feel like work because I love it so much) and my eating has improved 180 degrees, but yet I still look pregnant.

There's alot of stress surrounding my husband right now and I just want him to be happy. I won't get into any details but I just get really emotional when I know that things aren't going the way he wants them to. I love him and can't wait for things to work out.

I went back to my old job to meet the new boss and talk to my co-workers and it reinstates the fact that I don't want to go back to where I was (actually, I don't want to go back to work at all, I want to stay home with my kids) and I want to completely change the type of work I'm doing. I didn't feel fulfilled at all and don't see moving up in the area I'm in. I want to get out and try something completely new (for those of you in gov't, I'm a policy analyst and I think I want to get into HR!) so it's not even like I am looking forward to going back to work right now.

It's summer, the windows are open, the sun is out, I have a wonderful little family and we have so much fun together. I have to remember to embrace the things I have and not worry about what I don't have. I have to believe that everything happens for a reason and our time will come.

This post is rather random, but I needed to write it all down to realize how silly I am being. So thanks for listening errr.... reading.

2 people had this to say:

Anne said...

I wish I could say something to make you feel better. You're not alone, we always have our ups and downs and when we're down it's not easy to realize that things will get better.

btw, you sound like me. I keep sending husband pics of single homes, we're in a town as well. Same thing around here, houses are selling fast and we would make a profit.

Teresa said...

Sorry to hear you are down. Wish I could offer you a quick fix. Its unfortunately that everyone has moments like this. I hope you find your happy place. BTW try not to be so hard on yourself. ((Think happy thoughts.))