Monday, July 12, 2010

Eek!

I've been gone for a bit. On vacation both physically and mentally.

I'm struggling here folks. Seriously struggling. My head is just not into it. I don't even know how to restart. I have a problem. As soon as I get "out of it" I get so far off track that I don't even recognize myself anymore.

I went to PEI (we make an annual trip out East to visit our family) and it's like I forgot who I am, how I feel and what I'm striving to be.

I've been doing alot of thinking. I think I may have the wrong goal in mind. If I were to honestly answer the question "What is this journey I am on?" then I would say "to become skinny". Not to become healthy, not to get in touch with my body, not to get to a healthy weight, not to be strong, but I want to be SKINNY. And perhaps that's why I am failing. As soon as I don't see the scale move, then I feel I am failing. Like I'm not getting what I want, and it completely throws me out of whack.

If I changed my goal, like if deep down I really wanted to just be healthy, then not seeing a loss on my scale wouldn't throw me off track. But the problem is, I need to actually want to be healthy and to not just lose weight and be skinny and not just say it. It's so easy to say one thing, but it's how I feel if I really look inside that matters. Not what I just say. Or not what I just post on my blog.

This is totally random, and I hope to slowly come back to the blogging world with more put together thoughts that make sense, but just know that until then I am thinking. And plotting. And planning. For a comeback.

5 people had this to say:

Some kind of Wondermom said...

Would you like to work out together sometime? Perhaps we can motivate each other? I'm not much of a runner, but we could try a fast walk, or I can get you a free pass to try a class at Goodlife?

Teresa said...

Welcome back, hope you had a fun vacation. I totally understand and relate to your post. Struggle is the word of the day. Hope you find your resolution to the struggle.

Christy said...

Oohhh SKWM - are you in Orleans?

Thank you Teresa :) I'm closer to finding a resolution then I was yesterday, that's something!

Capital Mom said...

I am trying to lose some weight too. I just feel bad if I focus on the scale so I am focusing on going to exercise every second day. That makes it seem better somehow.

gina fitby41maybe42 said...

Your thinking has paid off. I totally agree with you about your perspective on goals: skinny vs. health. I had to change from skinny-mode, too. I just want to feel better and be stronger. I want to instill better habits for my kids than what I had. I want to stabilize my mood swings. I want to be able to care for my parents and their home someday while chasing after my own grandkids. I see a lot of skinny old people without a wick of health.

:)