To weigh or not to weigh

Tomorrow should be my first WI since I re-joined MFP.

I've been eating healthy (although not tracking) since the 3rd of January. When I weighed in at the beginning of last week, the scale showed me the exact same number it showed at the start of January.

Whaaat?

How could that be? I had been working out regularly, not had any binges, no fast food, no chocolate, no desserts period, when we did eat out I was vegetables with lean protein, I was not eating after 7, I was following all these healthy guidelines. How could the scale NOT show a change?

So I sat back and thought about it. And the only thing I wasn't doing was journalling/tracking what I was eating. I was eating food that was good for me - but was I eating too much?

For a full week now I've been tracking what I'm eating. That, with training for my half marathon training and Tony Greco 2 days a week (it used to be 3, but now I have to run 4 days a week and I need at least one day of rest), I finally feel like I'm starting to move in the right direction. I've noticed it in my clothes, it my face, in my side profile - and I'm honestly feeling wonderful.

If the scale will be an accurate representation of how I feel, then I want to step on it tomorrow morning. But I'm scared. Scared that it won't show movement and I will be angry, and then my "if I'm not losing I may as well not be doing all this" has a chance to rear it's ugly head. I think I've come so far, but I know those thoughts and my alter-ego haven't gone away for good (yet).

For so long, the way I've been tracking my success is by the scale. How much weight I've lost. It's measurable, it's cold hard facts. Sure I know how I feel, but how do you measure your feelings?

I think part of the reason i was so successful on WW is because I was being held accountable to that scale every week (I also always would just think - I just have to make it to Friday, eat little as possible and then on Saturday I can eat whatever) - so really, is that successful? I suppose not.

Sometimes when I don't get on the scale for a long time, that's when I feel I have the freedom to allow myself little extra treats - and just think "I'll take it off next week".

After writing all this down, I guess I can see exactly WHY I'm still not at my goal weight (not just "not at" but "nowhere near") because I never did it the right away. I'm really trying to make this a lifestyle, and make it my normal weigh of eating, not just eating to lose weight.

So maybe I don't need to weigh myself. What does it matter what I've lost in THIS week. What matters is, I know I am closer to my goal then I was last week (and the goal not being a number, the "goal" to be HEALTHY and comfortable in my own skin!). I am better off then I was yesterday, then i was earlier this week, and I'm further along in my journey then I was when I started.

And that's what matters my friends.