One week in

I put on my weight tracker, I take it off, I put it back on, I take it back off.  I struggle with my goal of losing weight, my ultimate goal is to be healthy... but I need to pull the reigns back in and focus on the numbers yet again.

For the past year, I've kept up with going to the gym, working out, being active.  That's no longer a struggle for me.  It's the eating that's the struggle.  This is closely tied to my weight (ha, of COURSE it is), I guess I should say that it's closely tied to my weighing myself.

The scale has such a hold over me... I go to the gym 5 times a week, I ran a half marathon, I spin, I do bootcamp, I strength train... and when I step on that scale it doesn't show a loss.  So I stuff my face to make myself feel better (oh, if you are wondering? It doesn't)  So then I stop weighing myself, but when I stop weighing myself, I gain weight. 

Yes, this is my life.

Last week I had enough, and I took back control.  I started tracking, I started reading, I started listening to my body, I started to be kind to myself, I started to think.

And it paid off - down 5.8 lbs (although first week back is always very successful - esp. after Christmas/New Year holiday).

Things from last week that I'm proud of?

• I was all cozy in my pjs after putting the boys to bed, nice and warm lying on my bed watching TV.  I had missed bootcamp that morning so I knew I should get a workout in.  I changed into my BATHING SUIT and went swimming.  Being in a bathing suit is not a happy place for me, going out in the cold to a cold swimming pool is not fun, but as soon as I started my lengths, I was so happy.  50 lengths in 45 minutes (it was crowded, so lots of trying to maneuver around people).  Then 10 minutes in the hot tub (perhaps the best part?)
• Out to dinner with the girls at Lone Star (famous for their fajitas).  Wasn't sure what to get, then I saw a little box on the menu saying "Substitute tortiall wraps for lettuce wraps with your fajitas" Done and done!  And really, you don't miss the wrap, it's all the stuff on the inside that I love.  
• My veggie intake.  I love veggies and it's not difficult for me to get them in, but during the holidays, let's just say there wasn't alot of green around (except for my Christmas tree).  But I'd say 80% of my diet last week was veggies.  

Things I'm not proud of from last week?

• I didn't track on the weekend.
• I ate when I wasn't hungry on the weekend (nothing crazy, but I'm trying to focus on listening to my body and eating when I'm hungry and I definitely did some mindless eating)

With my blog, I'm not focussing on trying to make it interesting - trying to lure people to read it, I'm using it as a journal, a place to document my thoughts through my once-and-for-all journey.

Happy Monday!