At lunch today, I ran out to a store that I've heard people talking about, The Fit Shop. The first time I heard of it, it was where you could buy the elusive magical PB2. Then, my fellow Saturday buddy-day cross-fitter Amy went this weekend and told me about a delicious shake she made from what she bought there, I decided to go myself.
This store sells everything fit-related in terms of protein powders, vitamins, muscle building that, lose weight this... the type of store that I actually love looking around.
Yet, as with all stores like this, I felt like an imposter as soon as I walked in. I felt like I was just a fat person coming into a store with hopes of buying something to help me lose weight. WHICH I UNDERSTAND isn't really that far from the truth. I'm overweight, and yes, looking for something to help me along my journey. But inside I am so much more than that. I'm someone who eats well, who spins, who runs (ok, not lately, but my 1/2 marathon wasn't oh so long ago), who lifts weights, who does crossfits, who swims...I just don't feel like I belong. Everyone else shopping in there looks so fit, like they belong, of course they are buying protein powder - they obviously work out tons at the gym.
The more important point here being is , WHY DO I CARE SO MUCH ABOUT WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK? And it's not even what I think - I don't even KNOW that's what they are thinking - I'm making it all up in my little head that this is what they are thinking. They haven't told me to get out, they haven't laughed at my questions, they haven't focussed on the other customers and forgotten about me. They have treated me the same as all the other people in there. So what is it in my brain that questions who I am, why is it so important for me to feel I LOOK like how I feel? If I feel healthy and in control of myself, shouldn't that be enough? Why do I want everyone to know how I feel?
There's no answer here... this is something I obviously have to work on. I saw a cute little quote on facebook this morning that's so true, and something that's just as important for me to work on as losing this weight...
is getting comfortable in my own skin. Knowing who I am, and being satisfied with that.
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3 people had this to say:
I am going to that store this week. I had never heard of it! And you totally deserve to be there!
The problem lies in the idea of, what you think you know what they are thinking. But you will never know and it quite frankly it simply does not matter! All that counts is what you think. Take care.
I adore the folks at Fit SHop. Never once had them look at me askance.
The idea of what others think of us is something we all deal with. It IS important when we are on a job interview. it IS important when we are dating, when we are applying for a loan/mortgage/condo lease. What is harder is adjusting yourself to each situation, ie "I don't care what people think of me at the beach, but at work I do because I want that promotion". We wrap our personal stuff in with the professional too, so weight and personal decorum do end up being lumped together, and thus we worry about it at all times (well, most of us do... heh)
You have given me an idea for a blog post now... Darn you :)
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