Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Last night

I don't even want to give this event a whole space on my page - because I'm trying not to harp on my eating and celebrating the ups and downs (celebrating the ups wouldn't be so bad if it didn't mean the bad would be celebrated as well - celebrating bad is not fun, not a celebration as much as a horrible self-loathing party).

But here goes:

Last night we went over to our neighbours when we got home to discuss hockey, cupcakes and birthdays (in the opposite order then written).  By that time it was almost 6, I didn't feel like cooking - Jeff didn't feel like cooking - we asked the boys what they wanted (either go out or order in a pizza and it was an overwhelming "pizza' victory vote).

The pizza came, and I had one piece.  I didn't have the normal banter going on in my head "Christy, stop now, you are satisfied" "No, have one more piece, you are already off-plan, might as well stuff your face" "Christy - stop and drink water and then see if you are actually hungry after that" "EAT IT ALREADY".

There were no voices in my head.

I stopped when I was full.

Then we had cupcakes (see second paragraph) and I ate one - there were extras and I never even thought to myself I'd eat one when the kids went to bed.

And then while making lunches for the next day, I didn't eat a handful of crackers (see note above, you already are off plan, eat eat eat), or cheese, or spoonful of lemon yogurt, or chocolate bar sitting in the cupboard.  I just drank my tea and went about my business.

And at the time? I didn't even think of this as a celebration... it was just what I was doing.

It wasn't until this morning I thought of how wonderful it is to feel that way, to live that way.  Now, I've felt this way before, so I'm no dummy and I'm not shouting "I'm cured!".  This is why I don't want to celebrate it, so that when I don't feel this way I won't feel like a total failure.

I'm not even sure this whole thing makes sense. But it feels good.

1 people had this to say:

Kataroo said...

I loved this post :) and what really got me was your picture at the end, so beautiful and the way the light is...I know it sounds cheesy but it's like...the light is coming in, seeing the way, feeling better...clouds parting :) #goosebumps